There’s that great story in Luke 7 where the woman known as a sinner comes to Jesus. The Pharisees condemn her because she’s a “woman of the city.” And after she weeps at his feet and anoints them, Jesus says:
“Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” (Luke 7:47)
In our groups, a similar dynamic is going to come up.
Those who have had “less forgiven” in their experience—in the sense that they’ve experienced less forgiveness, or have lived somewhat “cleaner” lives—are often the ones most uncomfortable with being pushed. With being made to see the darkness of their own souls. With being made to deal honestly with sin.
In fact, a lot of people would rather settle for “nice” sins—the kinds of sins we don’t normally confront because they’re just subtle enough that it’s hard to know what you’re confronting or how to confront it. And of course, the word confront sounds harsh in and of itself.
So we want to form the sort of groups—and emphasize in our groups—that we only exist because we are forgiven people. We are sinful people who deserve judgment, who are forgiven because of what Jesus has done for us.
Then we want to ask questions that help us all see the deeper heart sins. We want to help people understand the odiousness of our sin—and actually feel it. To grieve it.
And we want everyone to feel so secure with one another, because of the incredible grace and forgiveness of Jesus—grace and forgiveness that are embodied in our groups—that people become able to talk about what’s going on in their lives, even when it’s deep and dark.
Now, for many of us to even begin to get there, we’re going to have to do two things.
First, we’re going to have to wisely and carefully be redemptively vulnerable ourselves. We’re going to have to confess some of our own sins. We have to model what we want to see.
Second, we may have to push people a bit. That’s going to make some of our group members uncomfortable. Obviously, we have to be careful. But we actually may need to upset someone a little bit to help them move forward in holiness. We may need to unsettle someone in order to bring out their sin and help them grow.
Often that push looks like a well-timed question, not a lecture. But it can also look like kindly saying, “You know, I see this pattern in you. Are you aware of this? Tell me more about that.” And then being ready to have a gentle conversation about why that pattern is not okay.
That means we have to be sensitive:
Where does this person need to grow?What sins are they getting away with because they’re “nice sins”?Where might that show up as passive-aggressiveness—a very common “nice sin”?
Here’s what I mean: Passive-aggressiveness often looks like gossip disguised as concern. It can look like chronic self-protection—that is, always deflecting when they should take the blame, always having someone else be the problem. Passive-aggressiveness is when you say all the things you think ought to happen without actually asking the person who would need to make it happen. It’s taking an opportunity to criticize a person without asking them directly for what you want—or criticizing to another person, which becomes gossip and a breaking of the ninth commandment—instead of going to the person and asking clearly for what you’re hoping for. And all of this is often done by simply dropping hints and hoping someone will pick them up, without ever having the courage to speak plainly.
All of that sort of passive-aggressiveness is sinful. And we’re all capable of it.
So how can we push in a way that actually brings that sin into the light and makes us able to talk about it and helps them repent?
How can we help them see the idols of their heart, the darkness of their sin, how offensive it is to God, how it damages their relationships—and then help them turn from it to Jesus?
That’s what pastoring is.
That’s what being group leaders is.
But I’ll say it again: all of this must happen in a context of grace and forgiveness.
Romans 8:1 says:
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
If that is not the atmosphere of our groups, none of this will work.
Cloud and Townsend say:
“Grace gives people the safety and courage to expose their weaknesses and frailties; forgiveness releases them from their debt to the law and frees them to start afresh.” (p. 86)
We must always remain humble, remembering that we are broken sinners too. And we must constantly talk about the meaning of grace and forgiveness.
I’m really just pointing out the six points at the end of this forgiveness chapter. But I think those points form the outline for how we must lead our groups forward:
Create a massive environment of grace and forgiveness.Then leverage that environment to help people move toward holiness.Bring sin into the light.Build one another up through grace.Help one another move forward.
This is slow work. This is shepherding work.
And this is the work we’ve been called to.
Share This Article
